Too much to say

dear Norah-
How does one catch up a blogging drought of several months? I think it is impossible, so I will just sum up my life, heart and mind.
We moved. We are in the Chicago area (more specifically the Northwest suburbs.) I can't believe it. 10 days after you were born, the three of us moved to Columbus, OH so Daddy could earn his MBA. He graduated 1 1/2 weeks ago and has accepted a job with Sears Holdings. I feel so blessed for the time we had in Columbus. I remember feeling nervous to move out there. The anxious hesitancy lay in the fear of losing my Mom or Dad while being away from Utah. I did lose my Daddy physically, but I've felt him around lately. The other day, I tearfully said to your Daddy, "I hope my Daddy knew how much I love him and cherished him." Right after I said that, a lightning bug, my favorite insect in the entire world, lit up outside our living room window. You can take that as you want, but I choose to believe it was an answer for me. My dad loves nature and has spoken to me through nature since the morning after I found out he passed. I am so grateful that although my fear of losing a parent was realized, I can still connect with him, in ways that only the two of us understand. I don't regret the move to Columbus, even though I wasn't in Utah when my dad passed. I met some of the dearest friends there, who have impacted me in ways I don't think they'll ever understand. I felt like I was able to serve in ways that I needed to at the time. I was able to live close to my in-laws, who have become two of my closest friends. And now we move again.
I am excited about Chicago. I love the home we are renting. It has a little cubby under the stairs just for you to play in. It has plenty of space for visitors, of whom I hope to have many.
You, my little bug, are growing up emotionally lately. You've had many more opinions and love to say "NO!" Although the word is not always welcome, I appreciate that you are understanding that you have a voice and an ability to express it. I've always like opinionated people. I'd much rather that, than you to have no opinion and ride the waves of life. You are much more frequent with your loves and kisses. The other day, you cupped my chin in your tiny little hands and kissed my forehead. Yesterday, you moved my chin towards your face and kissed me, twice. I melted, twice. Your favorite activity as of late is to play kick with your daddy. You are actually really good. You also love to play in Ama's sink and wash all the dishes. You love to sing "I do" by Colbie Caillat. You'll walk around saying "I do, I do" until I hand you my iphone playing "I do". You sing along with the chorus. Have I mentioned that your daddy and I are completely head over heals for you? We are.
I've been thinking a lot lately about something that I want so intensely for you to understand. I think it is one of the greatest struggles of mankind, one that keeps us from utilizing the Holy Ghost to his max. The other day I did something that I have judged a certain someone for doing since I was 19 years old. As I was hit with what I did (I did it quite absentmindedly, not at all intentionally) I was slammed with guilt. The guilt that I felt was caused more by the fact that I had judged someone for this exact thing, than caused by the mistake itself. The mistake that I had made was one I had never made before. If I would explain my circumstance to someone, they would not fault me, but agree that it had simply slipped my mind. However, if one were to make a snap-judgment, such understanding or mercy would not be yielded. If one made a snap-judgment, as I once did, they would indeed fault me. It taught me once again, but more powerfully than ever: DO NOT JUDGE! When I judge, I often have no idea of one's circumstance. Even if I do, I most certainly can never know their heart or intentions fully. Judgment estranges us from God, Christ, the Spirit and often from potentially good friendships and people. Judgment leads to missed opportunity to see good and know and understand people. Please Norah, join me on the road to overcoming judgment. I've been trying to catch myself early in judgment and to not dwell on negative thoughts. I want to give people the benefit of the doubt and I don't want to miss any more opportunities by forfeiting my thoughts to judgment.
Norah, I love you. I love you more than I seem to be able to communicate or show you. I think you can tell. I think you feel safe with me. You are our light- forever.
Love,
mommy


This man is a pro at not judging.